
When Naptime Isn’t Working: Preschool Rest Strategies That Work
Time to read 8 min
Time to read 8 min
Naptime challenges are one of the most common struggles for families and childcare providers. For some children, especially around age four, naps are no longer part of their natural rhythm. What looks like "defiance" at rest time is often something else entirely: a mismatch between the child's developmental needs and the classroom routine.
So how can parents and teachers support kids who are done with naps but still need quiet rest? Here's a framework that honors both the child's development and the needs of the group.
By age 4, many children are developmentally finished with daytime sleep. Large longitudinal studies show that most children stop napping between ages 3 and 5, with the median around age 4 (Staton et al., 2015).
In a connection-based parenting and teaching framework, behavior is communication. Before focusing on compliance, the child needs to feel seen and safe. Brain science shows that co-regulation with a caring adult builds a child's long-term self-regulation skills (Porges, 2011; Perry, 2006).
Try these strategies:
If sleep isn't realistic, the goal becomes rest and regulation. The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) notes that while young children need rest, not all will nap after age 4; quiet rest can provide similar restorative benefits (AAP, 2016).
Ideas that work:
Temperament research shows that children high in activity or persistence struggle most with passive routines like lying still (Thomas & Chess, 1977).
Instead of punishing persistence, channel it:
Parents and teachers can work together to set realistic expectations. A parent might say:
"She hasn't napped at home in over a year, so sleep isn't realistic for her. What helps is having a clear role during rest time (quiet books, drawing, or listening to an audiobook) and short check-ins. Taking away her comfort items actually increases stress. Could we try a 'quiet choices' option instead of requiring her to fall asleep?"
Collaboration shifts the focus from control to partnership.
Instead of "she can't nap," try:
You might say something like:
"She hasn't napped at home in over a year, so sleep isn't realistic for her. What helps is a quiet choice box—books, drawing, or listening to an audiobook—with a timer and short check-ins. That way she can rest without disturbing others. Could we try that instead of requiring her to fall asleep?"
This tone:
Bottom line: Parents can frame nap refusal not as a discipline problem but as a developmental shift. Communicating with empathy and offering practical alternatives helps providers feel supported and makes rest time calmer for everyone.
This is a classic case of:
❌ Mis-matched expectations → dysregulation → escalation
✅ Connection + alternatives + collaboration → calmer classrooms
When children are supported in ways that match their stage and temperament, they not only regulate better, but they also learn skills that help them beyond naptime—patience, self-regulation, and respect for others' needs.