Ever wondered why your baby seems to cry more than others? Or why transitions feel so hard? Or why your little one lights up in some situations—but pulls away in others?

Those differences aren’t something you need to “fix”—they’re personality. And when you understand them, you can parent with more clarity, calm, and connection.

That’s the heart of what experts call goodness of fit—and it can change everything about how you experience parenthood.

Temperament is a key part of social and emotional health. It’s the way we react to and engage with the world—our personal style from birth. Researchers generally group temperament into three broad types:

• Easy-going: Generally happy and active, these babies adjust well to change.

• Slow-to-warm: Calm and observant, they may need extra time to feel safe in new situations.

• Active: High-energy, often with less predictable sleep and eating routines—and a zest for life.

Most children fall somewhere along the spectrum of all three. What helps us better understand them (and ourselves) are the nine temperament traits that shape day-to-day interactions. These include things like sensitivity, mood, adaptability, and persistence.

But here's the key: every caregiver has their own temperament too. And how those traits align (or don't) with your baby’s makes a big difference in how your days feel.

Goodness of fit describes how well your child’s temperament matches the environment and expectations around them—including yours as a parent.

It’s not about changing who you are. Or who your baby is. It’s about learning how to adjust your caregiving approach so you’re not working against each other’s natural tendencies.

For example: If your baby is slow to warm up, they might need time to hang back before jumping into new experiences. If you’re naturally outgoing, you might be tempted to “cheerlead” them into socializing—but your child may benefit more from quiet support and space to observe.

When we build awareness of our own style and our baby’s, we can create a more peaceful, connected day-to-day rhythm.

We created our version of the Infant Toddler Temperament Tool (IT³) to help you explore your own and your baby’s traits across nine key dimensions. It’s a quick, thoughtful reflection—designed to bring insight, not judgment.

Once you’ve taken it, this guide will help you use your results to support smoother routines, more confident parenting, and a stronger connection with your child.

Here’s a look at each trait—plus ideas based on common parent-baby combinations.

• If your baby is highly active and you’re not: Try offering frequent movement breaks—tummy time, stroller walks, or play mats can help.

• If you’re both high-energy: Awesome! Just remember to build in calm moments, too (think lullabies, massage, dim lighting).

• If your baby is easily distracted: Use quiet, low-clutter spaces during feeding, diaper changes, or transitions.

• If you’re easily distracted: Prep ahead (diaper bag, bottles, snacks) so you’re less likely to forget something mid-chaos.

• If your baby has big feelings: Stay calm and talk through what’s happening. Your steady presence helps them learn emotional regulation.

• If you’re also intense: Give yourself space to pause and breathe before responding to your child’s reactions.

• If your baby thrives on routine: Keep mealtimes, naps, and outings predictable whenever possible.

• If you prefer spontaneity: Use gentle tools like timers, visual cues, or reminders to help you stick to consistent rhythms.

• If your baby is sensitive to light, noise, or textures: Choose clothes, lighting, and environments with care.

• If you are: Protect your own sensory bandwidth. Create wind-down rituals that are soothing for both of you.

• If your baby is slow to warm: Give them time. Let them observe new situations from your lap before jumping in.

• If you’re outgoing: Remember, your baby doesn’t need to be “brave” right away. They need to feel safe.

• If your baby resists change: Use clear routines and give transition warnings (“Two more minutes, then we’ll change your diaper!”).

• If you struggle with change: Prep ahead for travel, new caregivers, or shifting schedules to minimize stress for both of you.

• If your baby gives up easily: Offer encouragement and break challenges into small steps.

• If your baby is very persistent: Let them keep trying—safely. Be ready to help them manage frustration.

• If your baby seems serious or less expressive: Mirror their cues and celebrate their subtle responses.

• If you’re more serious than your baby: Try leaning into playfulness, even if it feels silly at first. Joy is contagious.

You don’t need to become a different person to be a great parent. You just need to understand the dynamics at play—and respond with curiosity, flexibility, and care.

When you know more about how you and your baby experience the world, you can:

• De-escalate challenging moments faster
• Build routines that actually work for both of you
• Celebrate your child for exactly who they are

This is what parenting with confidence feels like.

This blog draws from and adapts the Infant Toddler Temperament Tool (IT³), developed for the Center of Excellence for Infant and Early Childhood Mental Health Consultation (IECMHC) under funding from the Office of Head Start, U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. The original IT³ materials are available here for public use.

Already taken the quiz? Feel free to revisit your results—or share it with a partner or caregiver. Haven’t yet? Start here to explore your temperament match.