What Your Birth Partner Should Do During Labor (Position by Position)
By the Nurtured Nest Team · Trusted by UNC Health Rex & 3,000+ families · A program of The Nurture to Bloom Foundation, a 501(c)(3) nonprofit
"Just be supportive." That's the advice most birth partners get — and it's almost useless in the moment. When your person is in active labor and can't form a complete sentence, "being supportive" doesn't tell you what to do with your hands, what to say to the nurse, or when to suggest a position change.
This guide gives you the actual job description. By phase. By position. By what to say when you don't know what to say.
What a birth partner should do during labor changes by phase. Here's the short version:
- Early laborKeep them calm, moving, and distracted. Time contractions. Handle logistics.
- Active laborCounter-pressure, a position change every 30 minutes, and talking to nurses so they don't have to.
- TransitionSay less, touch more. Your presence matters most here.
- PushingHands-on support: hold a leg, anchor a tug-of-war, encourage with each push.
- After birthAdvocate for skin-to-skin, manage the room, and be present.
Keep reading for the position-by-position breakdown and exactly what to say at each stage.
Jump to: The partner framework · Early labor · Active labor · Transition · Pushing · Talking to nurses · What not to do · FAQs
The Framework: Anticipate → Support → Advocate
Everything a birth partner does falls into three categories. Keep these in mind and you'll always know what your job is, even when things shift unexpectedly.
Anticipate
- Know which positions work for each phase — before labor starts
- Watch for fatigue or distress and suggest a change before they ask
- Track time between contractions and position changes
- Have the right equipment ready: ball, peanut ball, warm compress, ice chips
Support & Advocate
- Apply counter-pressure, hold them, move with them
- Translate needs to nursing staff so they don't have to speak
- Ask "why specifically?" if told they need to stay in bed
- Protect the environment — manage who's in the room and the noise level
Early Labor: Keep Things Moving
Early labor can last a long time — sometimes many hours. Your job here is to help them conserve energy, stay calm, and keep things progressing without burning out before active labor hits.
Walking & Swaying
Walk alongside them. During contractions, face each other and let them lean into you or grip your hands. Between contractions, keep the conversation light — distraction is genuinely helpful in early labor.
Birthing Ball
Sit behind them or kneel beside the ball. During hip circles and rocking, place your hands on their hips for gentle steadiness. During contractions, apply firm counter-pressure to the lower back — use the heel of your hand and push firmly inward and upward against the sacrum (the flat bone at the base of the spine).
Slow Dancing
This is your position. Stand face to face, arms around each other, and sway slowly. Add music if it helps them relax. This is emotional connection + gravity in one move — and it gives you something concrete to do that feels natural.
Active Labor: This Is Where You Earn It
Active labor is intense. Contractions are longer, stronger, and closer together. Your person may go quiet, go inward, or become very specific about what they need. Follow their lead — and keep the position rotation going even when they don't ask.
Hands & Knees
This is the go-to position for back labor and often for general active labor intensity. As they move into all-fours, kneel or stand beside them and apply firm, sustained counter-pressure to the sacrum during every contraction. Use a warm compress between contractions if one is available.
Standing Lean-Forward
They lean into you, the raised bed, or a wall. Your job: be the wall. Plant your feet, brace your core, and let them put their full weight on you. Add sacral counter-pressure with one hand if they want it.
Side-Lying Rest
When they need to rest between more active positions, help arrange pillows — one between the knees, one under the belly — and sit quietly beside them. This is not a time to talk through the birth plan or ask how they're feeling. Just be there.
Transition: Say Less, Touch More
Transition is the shortest and most intense phase of labor — typically 15 minutes to an hour, but it can feel much longer. Contractions come fast, sometimes without a clear break. Many people feel suddenly overwhelmed, nauseous, shaky, or say something like "I can't do this."
"I can't do this" often means you're almost there.
When your person says they can't do it, it's often a sign that transition has arrived and birth is getting close. It is not a reason to panic.
Do this
- Get close. Physical contact matters most here.
- Say: "You are doing it. This is transition. Baby is almost here."
- Match your breathing to theirs — slow and deep
- Hold eye contact if they'll accept it
- Keep the room calm — dim lights, fewer people
Don't do this
- Don't offer options or ask questions
- Don't suggest an epidural unless they ask
- Don't leave the room
- Don't talk to other people in the room during a contraction
- Don't show your own anxiety on your face
Pushing: Active Physical Support
Pushing is when partners often feel most useful — there are clear, physical jobs to do. It's also the stage that can last from a few minutes to several hours, so pacing matters.
Throne / Semi-Sitting
With the bed raised, sit beside them and help support a leg during contractions. Hold firmly under the knee and keep the leg steady — they're directing their energy into pushing, not holding their own leg up. Between contractions, let the leg rest and stay close.
Tug-of-War
Hold one end of a knotted sheet, towel, or the squat bar. As they push during each contraction, they pull the other end. Your job is to hold firm — not to pull back, just to be immovable. This gives them something to engage against when the urge to push isn't clear, especially with an epidural.
Supported Squat
Stand in front of or beside them and support under each arm as they grip the squat bar or hold onto you. They squat during the peak of each contraction and rest between. This requires the most physical effort from you — you're essentially taking some of their weight.
Talking to Nurses: How to Advocate Without Creating Conflict
One of the most valuable things a birth partner can do is be the communication bridge between the laboring person and the care team. Here's what that can sound like:
When you arrive
"We'd like to stay as mobile as possible. Can we get a birthing ball and set up the squat bar? What kind of monitoring will we have?"
After an epidural
"Can we get a peanut ball? We'd like to switch sides every 30–45 minutes — can you help us with that?"
If told to stay in bed
"Can you help us understand why? We want to work with what's clinically needed — we just want to know our options."
During pushing
"They're feeling a lot of pressure — can you check where we are?" or "Is there anything we should be doing differently right now?"
After birth, the same skills apply: ask for skin-to-skin if that's what your person wants, keep the room calm, and handle the visitors and updates so they can focus on the baby.
Free sample lessonSee How We Teach Childbirth
Watch a lesson from the Childbirth + Postpartum Program together. If it helps you both feel calmer, the rest of the program will too.
Sample lesson from Nurtured Nest's Childbirth + Postpartum Program
From the Nurtured Nest learning platform
Partners learn best before birth day — together.
Our expert-led Childbirth + Postpartum Program builds partner support into its videos and guides, so you'll both know what's happening at each stage and how to help — from early labor to the first weeks home.
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As a nurse, having instructors explain both medical terms and real-life meaning helped me and my non-medical husband. Exactly what we were looking for — on our schedule.
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What Not to Do: The Partner Mistakes We See Most
Offering too many options during a contraction
"Do you want the ball? Or should we walk? Or maybe hands and knees?" — During a contraction, this is overwhelming. Make a suggestion, not a survey. "Let's try the ball" is better than five options.
Disappearing for logistics
Your phone, the parking meter, updating family — these feel important and are all lower priority than being in the room. Handle logistics during established rest windows, not during active labor. If you must leave, tell the nurse and make sure someone is with them.
Showing your own stress on your face
Labor is intense to witness. But your person is reading your face constantly, especially in transition. If you look scared or uncertain, they feel it. Practice the neutral-but-present face. You're allowed to feel anxious — just don't wear it.
Suggesting an epidural they didn't ask for
Even if it seems like they're struggling, suggesting pain medication they haven't asked for can feel like you've lost faith in them. If they want it, they'll ask. Your job is to support the plan they made, unless they change it.
Partner Prep Checklist — Before Birth Day
- Review the 12 hospital labor positions and know which phase each belongs to
- Practice sacral counter-pressure at home
- Know what to ask for when you arrive (ball, peanut ball, squat bar, monitoring type)
- Agree on a signal for "I need a minute alone" vs. "stay close"
- Know your person's pain medication preferences — and commit to honoring them
- Read their birth plan together and know their top two or three priorities (our Birth Planning Guide has reflection pages for both of you)
- Pack snacks, a phone charger, and a change of clothes for yourself
- Know who else (if anyone) will be in the room and what their job is
Frequently Asked Questions
What if I don't know what to do in the moment?
Touch them. Physical contact — a hand on the back, holding their hand, close proximity — is almost always welcome and almost always helpful. When in doubt, get closer, say less, and breathe slowly. If you genuinely don't know what they need, it's okay to quietly ask "what do you need right now?" between contractions — not during one.
What if my partner doesn't want me to touch them during labor?
This happens, and it's not personal. Pain changes sensory preferences unpredictably — someone who loves physical touch may hate it during contractions. If they pull away, don't take it personally and don't stop being present. Stay close, make eye contact, and keep your voice calm. Ask again between contractions whether they want contact.
Should I take a childbirth class just as a partner?
It helps — and you don't have to take it alone. Learning ahead of time means you'll recognize what's happening, know your role, and understand what the care team is talking about. Our Childbirth + Postpartum Program includes partner access, with partner support built into the videos and guides throughout.
What if I feel overwhelmed during labor?
Tell a nurse — quietly, away from the room if needed. They've supported partners through this before. You're allowed to need a moment. The key is not to disappear without saying something and not to show distress in a way that transfers anxiety to the laboring person.
Is it okay to eat and drink during labor?
Yes — for partners, absolutely. Labor can last many hours. A partner who hasn't eaten or slept is not as useful as one who has. Keep snacks in your bag, step out briefly when the situation allows, and take care of your own basic needs so you can show up fully for theirs.
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